O God, thou art my God, I
my soul thirsts for you,
as in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1 (NRSV)
One week earlier my doctor had confidently pronounced that there was “no problem” with my pregnancy. Now I lay in that dark, lonesome hospital room, on Good Friday, mentally replaying the previous five months of turmoil, physical pain and struggle, wrestling with the reality that I did, indeed, have a placenta previa – a life-threatening pregnancy complication.
My worst fears had materialized.
Why did this happen to me? Why did God let this happen to me? Anger, fear and depression threatened to sever my psyche into unidentifiable fragments. My soul did thirst for God, in a weary, parched land. David’s Psalm described my soul's spiritual condition perfectly.
Unknowingly, recklessly, unnecessarily, I’d been allowing myself to live in the wilderness for years.
My dilemma – being such a casual Christian – was that I couldn’t have intentionally located that passage in the Bible, or others that might sustain me. I knew only a few popular verses; and I felt foolish perusing the standard Twenty-third Psalm, although I did read it once for good measure. Mostly, I simply stared at my Bible lying on my food cart, (I insisted that Chris bring it when he came for his first visit on Friday), and occasionally reached out to touch its cover and ruffle its pages. Sometimes I held it tightly to my breast. When I feel stronger, I might have the energy to open it up and concentrate on its words.
Who was I kidding, except myself? Given the opportunity, I’d expend my energy on other activities.
I had one foot in the grave and the other balanced on a spiritual banana peel, oblivious to my precarious position. Yet something deep within me needed to have that little black Book present; I frantically hoped it would draw God nearer to me. Surely if I have my Bible near, He won’t forget me!
My talisman for troubled times.
I knew I couldn’t expect a cram course in Christian theology, but a couple of uplifting spiritual words would have been welcome. Everyone seemed preoccupied with the weekend’s upcoming Easter celebration. No one – not even a hospital chaplain – came to hold my hand and pray.
The little Black award Bible I received in elementary school remained closed and clutched in my hand, while I searched the ceiling of my hospital room for answers.
Would I find God in this place...?
NEXT WEEK: More lonely, anxious days and nights; I honestly confront my feelings about the pregnancy; and my husband starts to succumb to the stress…
I want to thank you for joining me, and I hope all of you have had a great start to this New Year!!
If you’d like to start your New Year with some uplifting, entertaining and true short love stories, get ahold of the book, My Love to You Always, published by OakTara Publishers. It’s available in both paperback and e-book through amazon.com!
The book is full of 42 stories of enduring love that will encourage and give you hope. My Love to You Always would make a great gift for someone who questions whether love can last, or even happen in our contemporary world!
From the Back Cover:
When did you fall in love? And when did you know that love would be a lasting one – celebrating life’s joyous moments and walking together, hand-in-hand, through challenging times? Or are you still longing for that person to come into your life, as a side-by-side companion?
Experience “my love to you always” kind of love through 42 of the sweetest, real-life love stories collected from across the globe. They’re guaranteed to make you misty-eyed and renew your faith in the power of enduring love.
Yes, I have a story in this anthology, on page 41! It’s titled, “Broken Hearts, Redeemed” and is the short story of how Chris and I met and fell in love. It’s nothing you’ve read in my blog, so you’ll enjoy a new story, plus 41 others!