There is no sorrow quite so heart rending as
the death of a little child.
~Dr. J. Vernon McGee in Death of a Little Child
Nothing in life is quite so earth-shattering or
destabilizing to a person as the death of his or her child. If the child dies
when they are young, several years old or older, friends and family usually
rally around the parents and family, a religious service of goodbye is held, and
closure (of sorts) and support is garnered for the survivors, at least for a
little while. A mother usually has a photo album to pour through, stories to
recount, and a treasure trove of memories upon which she can validate her
child’s life and influence.
That’s not often the case for parents of a
baby who has not survived a premature birth, one who has arrived on gestational
time, but stillborn, has died soon after birth due to health problems, or been
miscarried early in pregnancy. In those cases, grieving often becomes more
difficult.
How do you grieve for a tiny baby, no bigger
than your palm? A baby unresponsive to your voice and your tender, loving
strokes? A baby whose eyes never opened to witness or reflect your love or for
you to gaze lovingly upon. A baby you didn’t have time to interact with; a baby
whose personality you can only guess at or conjure up ideas about. A baby who
didn’t have an opportunity to “make his mark on the world.” A baby who left
your body too early and about whom you spend hours imagining facial features,
hair color, and shape and form. A baby you want to name, if only you knew the
sex.
So often you feel as though you’re grieving
alone because you are grieving alone.
Because you’ve been left alone. As often happens, when others haven’t seen,
haven’t touched, or haven’t heard, the departed person doesn’t really exist for
them.
As Dr. McGee says in his booklet, Death of a Little Child: “The child had
no opportunity to perform a work nor was there any time given to develop
character.”
The death is often unexpected and swift, and
the goodbyes are brief.
And you and your spouse are often left to
grieve alone. Your friends and family can’t relate or don’t know what to say,
and they go on their way—sadly oblivious or feeling uncomfortable—leaving your
hearts to agonize alone.
Just how do you grieve such a loss?
Through the next several weeks we’ll explore that
grief. For now, though, I want to encourage you with some important things to
remember:
~
A life’s importance should not be measured by its length.
~
Your precious baby’s life began at conception and immediately began to
“count for something” and make an impact on its world at that point.
~
Your baby and her life, although brief, counted, just as much as your life, your
other children—as much as any other human being.
~
Your baby’s life was not a mistake. His life had an important, God-ordained mission, and it was completed.
~
And while your baby’s earthly life may have ended, his life is not over! It continues in heaven, in the presence
of God and other believing loved ones
who have gone on ahead of you to their eternal home. When you gaze at the heavens, remember that you have
someone special waiting for you
there!
As Dr. McGee wrote so eloquently: The presence
of your child’s life “turned your thoughts to the best, its helplessness
brought out your strength and protection, and its loveliness roused your
tenderness and love. Its influence will linger in your heart as long as you
live.”
Undoubtedly, you were made a better person
because of your precious child’s life.
While all of those encouraging truths and good
thoughts won’t automatically erase or negate your anguish, they may help
you navigate your present tormenting valley of grief—a valley you may be new
to, or a valley you did not really navigate well many years ago.
In the next several weeks, we’ll walk through this
valley together.
It is my prayer that we’ll emerge whole, and at
peace, on the other side.
So, until next week,
Thanks for joining me!
Blessings,
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