Monday, November 24, 2014

Seeing Your Premature Infant for the First Time




           
            I don’t know how long I stood there staring blankly through the window before Vera returned to break the grip of sadness. Bearing clean sheets, towels, washcloths and a new hospital gown, she inquired if I was “ready for that shower!” Smiling gratefully, I bundled the towels in my arms.
           
            But first I wanted to know if she’d found an answer to my question. Who was that nurse? So I rested on the bed and asked Vera if she had learned anything about her.
           
            “Well, I asked all of the nurses in the emergency department, and they’d never seen her before. They thought it was strange, too. No one I talked to has ever seen her before. She just came…and then disappeared.”
           
            Our eyes locked as mine widened.
             
            “Kind of strange, isn’t it?” she added with a smile, eyes twinkling and eyebrow cocked. 
           
            I simply nodded. Nothing more needed to be said.
           
            Vera left, and I lay in bed, once again staring at the ceiling. Could it be, God? Could you have sent an angel just for me? An angel in nurse’s scrubs? Or a dedicated nurse moved by the Holy Spirit to deliver comfort to a weak, terrified mother?
           
            Tears spilled again as I pondered God and the love and attention He doles out, sometimes in heaps and through unexplainable events and miracles. I was humbled that I should be the recipient of one of those events. When I thought He wasn’t paying any attention or didn’t care, He was and He did. How many miracles and “events” had I missed because I wasn’t looking or was hurrying through life at such a ripping pace that I wouldn’t have seen them if they’d been slapped on my nose?
           
            How self-absorbed was I? I shook my head to dislodge the answer from my brain.
           
            With my towels bundled in my arms, I sat up and shuffled to the bathroom. Hoping that the hospital’s endless miles of pipes would provide plenty of hot water, I turned on the faucet and waited in anticipation for the steam to engulf the room. Then I stepped gingerly into the large stall, where the warm water buffeted my shoulders and back and cascaded soothingly over my head and arms. It was therapeutic, medicinal. I languished in the physiological stimulation. Leaning against the wall for support, I stood rooted to the spot and relished every water bead making contact with my deprived and craving skin; certain that at any minute the temperature might change, leaving me—and my glorious, dream-come-true daydream—showered in a stiffening cold stream. Slowly, my body returned to life.
           
            Through a crack in the curtain and open door, I caught a glimpse of the privacy curtain in my room fluttering aside. Assuming it was a nurse, I waited for the person to announce their presence. “Hello?” came the apprehensive greeting from the mysteriously quiet person.
           
            “Oh, hi!” You finally made it! I’m in the shower.”
           
            Chris pushed open the bathroom door and peered cautiously around the corner. “You scared me!” he announced in a mixture of frustration and genuine relief. When I walked in and didn’t see anyone in the room, I started to panic. I thought something had happened and they had taken you away!”
           
            “Nope! I’m just fine! I don’t know how much longer I’ll be in here, so make yourself comfortable. Watch television, or make phone calls to the relatives.”
           
            His countenance still registered shock, or disbelief, as he retreated to the bedside chair and phone. He’d become a new daddy to another son just two short hours earlier, and had missed the entire event! I think he was still processing all of it.
            “Have you seen him yet?” he called out.
           
            “No, I was waiting for you to get here. I didn’t want to go without you,” I shouted above the din of raining water.
           
            Every ten minutes Chris poked his head in the doorway to ask if I were okay—checking to see if I might have fainted in the steam canopy. Finally, some forty minutes after Chris’ arrival, I reluctantly concluded the shower and prepared myself for the inaugural trip to se our new baby. I dried, pampered, lotioned and combed, and then donned a fresh hospital gown and robe. I was ravenously hungry, but since the breakfast hadn’t yet arrived, I greedily drank several servings of juice before we called a nurse about directing us to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
           
            “So…you haven’t seen him yet?” Chris asked again. His tone of voice told me something troubled him.
           
            “No. I said I was waiting for you to arrive. Here are the pictures they gave me, though. He looks just like Parker, doesn’t he?” I eagerly searched Chris’ face for a response to the pictures, but the forehead creases remained. “What’s wrong?” Are you afraid to go see him?”
           
            “Yes,” Chris admitted, looking scared and insecure. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to take all of those tubes and needles and…everything else!”
           
            “You’ll be fine. You have to go see him. They probably won’t let us hold him anyway. But we need to go see him. Just let me know if you feel like you’re gong to faint,” I smiled sympathetically.
           
            My mind was excited to do what my body was unwilling to perform: a triumphant walk through the hospital corridors to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit—where I would finally touch my baby. Instead, I had to settle for a triumphant wheelchair ride, with Chris and an aide as my attendants. I was too sore to sit down and too exhausted and weakened to stand any longer and walk. Chris padded the wheelchair seat with a pillow, then handed me another one to hold in my lap for security. The aide positioned my feet and the three of us navigated the hallways, the elevator on the other side of the hospital, and another hallway before finally arriving at the special room in the pediatric ward.
           
            I hadn’t thought seeing all of the wires and machines would bother me, but I was suddenly stricken with nervousness and anxiety about crossing the threshold when we arrived at the unit and open door. Slowly, the aide wheeled me into the room and asked where “Baby Boy Owan” was located.
           
            “Oh, right here!” a nurse pointed next to her side. “We were wondering when you were going to come down and see him. He’s doing great!”
           
            The aide told us we could stay as long as we wished, and that we should call for help if we needed assistance on our return trip to my room. Then she happily waved goodbye. Hesitantly steering me over to our new baby, Chris helped me to stand and look at the tiny form sleeping on the special warmer. In unison, we leaned over to saturate ourselves with the view of the beautiful baby lying before us, eyes closed in sleep, arms and legs outstretched in skydiving position. No longer a sickening shade of blue, his tiny body boasted a healthy pink color.
           
            The obstetrics nurse who had delivered the pictures said he was breathing so well on his own that he didn’t need to have an oxygen hood covering his face any longer. But now a hood was in place, emitting pure oxygen into the space around his head. “He was struggling a little bit, so we put it back on him,” the NICU nurse informed us when our faces register concern. “He’s doing fine now. We’ll see if we can take it off later in the day.” Although the hood was unnerving, he looked absolutely perfect and marvelous to us.
           
            Dr. Burns, his neonatologist and pediatric pulmonary specialist, arrived by our sides to fill us in on the specifics of his care, what to expect and what not to expect. He was extremely cautious with his expectations and words, making sure we understood everything he explained. Cory’s Apgar score had been atrocious—registering around one at his birth. Even after five minutes he had only managed to gain a couple of points. “He had a rough delivery,” Dr. Burns reiterated. “Things aren’t supposed to happen that fast; he was unusually stressed.”
           
            “But he’s doing okay now, isn’t he?” Chris questioned.
           
            “Yes, but we take it every day at a time. Don’t expect too many gains right away.”
           
            The nurse briefly removed the hood for us to take pictures of him—a disposable camera had been provided by the hospital in a diaper bag—and to touch his bar legs, feet and hands, and gently rube his head. We stood and stared, at him, and at the dedicated staff bustling around us. Staff dedicated to weak, premature infants and sick, full-term babies. The nurses and doctors seemed determined to make miracles out of all of them.
           
            They patiently explained the procedures being used, the treatment course they intended to follow, the food he would be fed, and the means why which they would accomplish his feeding. They explained the tests to be performed and the projected amount of time he was likely to spend in the hospital. “When he’s eating on his own and gaining weight, he’ll go home. Don’t count on that until his original due date.” I knew the original due date was a standard marker, so I psychologically prepared myself for daily trips to the hospital for the next six weeks. It didn’t matter how long it took, as long as he came home.
           
            Eventually, we tore ourselves away from our tiny, four-pound, twelve-ounce, nineteen-inch long angel, and Chris pushed me back to the room to make more phone calls. Both of us delivered giddy new mom and dad smiles to everyone we encountered. Chris also talked about picking up Parker from pre-school and bringing him back to the hospital so he could see his new baby brother.
           
            I was weak and sore, but gushing with relief and joy. Jesus could not have been more accurate when he said: “When a woman is in labor, she has pain, because her hour has come. But when her child is born, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy of having brought a human being into the world” (John 16:21 NRSV).
           
            Our brand new little human being had arrived, and I was dying to let the world know.
           
            Oh, the immeasurable joy God had given me again!  


oOo


            Whenever I remember that day, I wonder anew. And I’m awed and humbled all over again. I know that God sent that messenger to meet my need.
           
            And I ask myself again, “Could it really be that God sent an angel, a ministering spirit to me?”

           
            I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe God orchestrates every one of those “unusual” events. I’m just more apt to notice them now.
           
            I know that He always pays attention and cares.

            How about you? Any unusual events or miracles you’d like to share with us? If you do, I know many would be encouraged by your story! And thanks for sharing.
___________________________________

NEXT WEEK: The next thirty hours…
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Until next week,

Thanks for joining me!

And if you live in America, have a blessed Thanksgiving with your family! Check out my November 25, 2013 blog post on giving thanks, even in the thorns of life.

http://brokenheartsredeemed.blogspot.com/2012/11/can-you-thank-god-for-thorns-in-your.html

Blessings,

Andrea


photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/samiksha/5782319154/">Nisha A</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

Monday, November 17, 2014

When Post Delivery Joy Turns to Heartache





            Something I never expected happened to me post delivery. Heartache. It blindsided me and threatened to snatch away my joy…
           
                                                                             oOo

            I’d survived the nightmare. My baby had arrived.
           
            And it appeared he was going to make it.
           
            I didn’t have to wait long to “see” my newborn. A nurse breezed excitedly into my room to present me with two glorious Polaroid pictures of “Baby Boy Owan.” My immediate and surprised reaction was about his appearance: he appeared to be an exact duplicate of Parker at his birth, if you neglected taking into account the IV lines running from his tiny body, and the apparatus and breathing hood surrounding him. Even with his eyes closed he was spectacular! I wept as I visually absorbed the grainy pictures, trying to absorb every tiny detail. She beamed at me. “Those are for you!”
           
            “How is he doing?” Dr. Landry asked with some urgency.
           
            “He’s dong great! You can come down and see him whenever you’re ready,” she said over her shoulder as she waved at me and exited my room.
           
            A monstrous sigh and smile of relief spread across Dr. Landry’s face as he finished his task of massaging my uterus and removing the remnants of ruptured stitches from my cervix. Completing that task, he instructed a nurse to finish cleaning up and notified her that he was going down to the NICU himself to check on my baby.
           
            My eyes scoured the room, seeking the face of my praying nurse. But she was gone, absent from the throng of medical staff that still filled the room. No goodbye, not a single parting word before she left.
           
            Another jubilant nurse had asked me following his first sounds of life if I wanted to call my husband and tell him the good news. She had, and the phone next to my bed now rang loudly, announcing his call.
           
            “What happened?” he wanted to know with disbelief. “I told the nurse that she must have the wrong father; that I wasn’t expecting a baby until later. Parker’s not even out of bed yet! You said it would be sometime this morning. I thought I had plenty of time to get there!”
           
            “That’s what Dr. Landry told me, but I thought I expressed the urgency of the situation to you.”
           
            No. I thought I’d be able to get up, and then take Parker to school, then head to the hospital,” he defended himself. He didn’t sound upset, just shocked, and in sleepy disbelief.
           
            “Well, you have a son, and you are very lucky you weren’t here to watch the production. It was horrible! I think you would have been a basket case; they would have had to administer treatment to you! I’ll tell you more about it when you get here, but my sutures ruptured, no one was in the room, we had to wait for Dr. Landry, and the baby looked terrible. You would have been very frightened and most probably in the way. This room was packed with people running around. Controlled hysteria is a good description. Even Dr. Landry seemed nervous, when he finally showed up. But the baby’s dong fine. I’ll wait for you to get here so we can go see him together.”     
           
            “Okay. It may be a little while. I still have to get Parker up and off to school, and then drive down there.”
           
            “I’ll see you when you get here, then!” What must he be thinking? He thought everything was going to be a regular piece of cake, too. And he missed the whole show!
           
            The size of the entourage in my room rapidly diminished as each nurse completed her responsibilities and departed. Except Vera. Yes, Vera. The most wonderful nurse who had watched over me so carefully and lovingly three months earlier, when I had started this rough journey. The nurse who—on a “feeling”—intervened during my post-cerclage recovery to probably save my baby’s life. Vera requested to be my nurse that day, to again watch over me. She changed my pillows, quickly removed my IV and catheter, and returned the room to some semblance of order and normalcy.
           
            Because of the heavy doses of medication I’d received, they didn’t want me up and walking around the room too soon, something I was dying to do. There was concern I might become dizzy or disoriented, and then fall or faint. There had been no time to administer an epidural, so I felt relatively stable and very excited to stand up and take a couple of steps, even wobbly ones. Vera succumbed to my convincing pleas and allowed me to swing my legs to the floor and walk—unassisted—to the restroom.
           
            Oh, how free my body feels! How free I felt—emotionally, physically, spiritually. My tailbone was badly bruised in the rough delivery, making it difficult to put any pressure on my backside, and I still maintained a crouched position when standing, but I felt wonderful. Absolutely wonderful—and alive!
           
            When I returned from the restroom, Vera was still changing pillowcases and putting the room in order. I stopped at the bed, looked at her, and asked the question that wouldn’t be ignored.
           
            “Vera, who was that nurse?”
           
            She stopped cleaning and lifted her eyes to meet mine. She knew whom I meant without specifying which nurse. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen her before, and I’ve worked here a long time. Maybe she came from the emergency room. Would you like me to find out?”
           
            “Yes, please. I’d like to thank her.”
           
            “I’ll go order breakfast for you, get some clean towels for your shower, and ask around.”
           
            “Thank you.”
           
            Vera finished cleaning and instructed me to call her should I need anything or want to take a shower—oh, yes, a shower!—and then left to order breakfast for me. Once again I was alone.
           
            Walking to the large picture window, I gazed across the beautiful morning sky of that February 27, 1995, and attempted to stretch my weakened, bent body to its full height. Yes, I was overwhelmed, overjoyed, awed, ecstatic. Thankful. Nothing could diminish my euphoria. Nothing…except the creeping and sobering realization that a life had been lost for the one gained that morning.
           
            If we had not lost Victoria, Cory—as I began thinking of him—in all likelihood would not have been conceived. My new son was not a replacement for my daughter, but—at that moment—I realized with great sadness that the pain of Victoria’s death would never go away. Victoria’s had a special piece in my heart’s jigsaw puzzle, but it felt damaged and scarred over. As much as I wanted it to be a perfect fit, it wasn’t and could never be.
           
            Cory was a new piece. He’d rightfully occupy a different space, a new space designed especially for him.
           
            Piercing emptiness and the void of loss penetrated my heart as acutely as it had the day I left the hospital almost two years earlier—without my daughter.
           
            The unexpected feeling jarred with me with guilt and melancholy pain. Could I ever look at Cory without thinking of Victoria?
           
            Victoria’s space would never be adequately filled. It was only mended with a makeshift patch that didn’t quite correspond to the correct size and shape for the spot.
           
            Suddenly, I realized I was weeping. Weeping for my new baby I was suddenly afraid to love. Weeping for the baby I ached to have back. And weeping for me.
           
            I cried for Grace to hold me again.
           
            I hadn’t imagined how much I would still need to rest in His arms.


oOo

           
            I don’t know why I felt so scared and profoundly sad at that moment. It could have been post-delivery hormones, or the trauma of delivery causing the Post Traumatic Stress of Victoria’s birth and death to return. Maybe it was because on the only glimpse I had of him, he was blue and lifeless, and he wasn’t quite “real” to me yet.
           
            I just know that at a time when I thought I’d be deliriously happy, I suddenly wasn’t. With one brutally stinging blow, I realized that Victoria was still not coming back, and that I was absolutely terrified Cory might not survive. And if I loved him, I’d get hurt all over again if that happened. I’d most likely hurt even more than the first time.
           
            I wept with new grief over the old grief, fear of the future, and with guilt over my horribly conflicted feelings.
           
            I knew then that the fight wasn’t over. I had been fighting for him for months. Now he was lying in the NICU, fighting for himself. I needed to lay all my fears aside and rejoin him in that fight.
           
            And loving him unconditionally, vulnerably, completely—without any reservation—was what I needed to do. For both of us.

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NEXT WEEK: Seeing our baby for the first time, getting sobering news from the doctor, and finding out just who that nurse was…
____________________________________

Until next week,

Thanks for joining me!

Blessings,


Andrea


photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/nastydays/1842519943/">nasty days</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>