Putting Your Life in Perspective: Part 1

           

            

HOW DID YOU DO with last week’s questions? Did you find them uncomfortable? Were you able to do some soul digging? Learn anything new about yourself? And were you able to select a focus word for the year?

           

            Hopefully you realized you were further ahead in setting and achieving New Year’s focus points than you thought you were. And, like me, came to the conclusion that 2017 was actually better than you thought it was.

Weaving the tapestry of your life

           

            I do hope you pinpointed the good from 2017 that can be some of your foundation for 2018. You may be revamping, unloading, changing focus, or putting activities into “good” and “bad” piles. But you’re really not starting over. We live life on a continuum, a tapestry that’s constantly being woven.

           

            It’s unlikely that you’re unraveling the tapestry or tearing it apart and starting a new one. And that may be why a new year can be both exhilarating and hope-packed, or depressing and hopeless.

           

            Honestly, as much as we’d like to think we’ve got a new beginning, we aren’t. The only type of truly new beginning I can think of is when you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, and He completely overhauls you and your life. He—and He alone—can make all things new, and does! (I will get to that most important point later.)

           

            But for now, we’re talking about sifting the past for the nuggets you’ll use for building and shaping your life this year. And some of those nuggets may be things you might tend to stack in the bad pile. Starting anew can be scary if you think you’re starting completely from scratch. And you can feel giddy about it if you ignore the past year’s fallout. But do you really want to ignore that fallout?

Taking stock

           

            Let’s move a little further forward in setting your 2018 focus points, but not before you do a little more nugget digging.

           

            As business blogger Seth Godin says, “every day we get a chance to become better versions of ourselves.”

            

            That’s a great thought, but what if you don’t really know yourself. That’s the first place you need to start—taking stock of yourself.

           

            Last week I gave you some questions to help you do that. This week we’re going to take it a little further, and—fair warning—it may be a little uncomfortable.

Remembering life’s bad moments, and evaluating their effects

           

            There are several ways to put your life in perspective. Let me tell a story to get you started.

            I’ll never forget the day I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. (After I got over wanting to be a circus performer when I was six.) I was about twelve, and the inspiration came to me in a flash, although it had been germinating for some time.

           

            I LOVED animals. I really couldn’t get enough of them. Living in a high-rise apartment in downtown Honolulu that didn’t allow any animals didn’t squelch my desire to spend the rest of my life with them. (I actually coerced my mom and dad into allowing me to get my cat, Barney, who we kept well hidden until his premature death from uremic poisoning.)

           

            I was so proud of myself, and giddy! I knew my dad and mom would be so proud of me. I skipped into our living room and pronounced jubilantly, “I know what I want to do when I grow up!”

           

            “What’s that?” my dad said. The tinge of skepticism in his tone should have made me pause.

           

            “I want to be a veterinarian!” I was so excited I practically shook with joy.

           

            “Oh, no you’re not!” my dad shot back at me. “If you’re going to be a doctor, you’re going to be the kind of doctor that really makes a difference. You’re going to be a baby doctor!”

           

            I don’t really know how to describe how I felt. Crushed, humiliated, belittled, demoralized, devastated, lost all come to mind. I can still feel the effects of his words. My mom, who’d been listening from the kitchen (we had a VERY small apartment) had sucked in her breath and told my dad he shouldn’t say things like that to me. But it didn’t matter. I appreciated her support, but the damage was done. Dad didn’t approve, and I felt like an idiot. An idiot who now didn’t have a clue what she wanted to do, or the confidence to think she’d make a good choice if she did.

           

            Not long after, my mother mentioned she always thought it might be fun to be a clothes buyer for a department store. Maybe I might want to be in fashion.

           

            When I was around fifteen, my dad—who continued to offer his opinion “you should be a doctor” every so often—also suggested numerous times that I become a candy striper (young hospital volunteer) at a local hospital. Something nearly any girl who wanted to be a nurse or doctor did at the time. Turned out I wasn’t old enough; and I wasn’t too interested in the idea, anyway. How would I fit THAT into life with my gymnastics practice?

            But the message was clear: I needed to have a career in medicine, and having a M.D. after my last name was preferable.

           

            Even though I entered college claiming a pre-med major, it never happened. And I think I would have been a lousy doctor back then. And because I didn’t really have a focus—one I was passionate about—I didn’t focus, and I didn’t know what I needed to do to succeed. I floundered through life for years. Even after I settled on a major in college—sports medicine—I still engaged in things I loved, like music, theater and drama, and writing. Eventually I did grow to love medicine—helping athletes and patients get healthier and recover from injuries, or help them train in a way to avoid injuries altogether.

           

            But I still wonder what it would be like to be a vet, and if I would have been a good one. I still dream about having a big spread where I can harbor hoards of strays and castoff animals. And we always have one to four animals as part of the Owan family.

            
            And some 30 years later, I learned why my dad had been so bent on me becoming a baby doctor. In a rare moment of personal revelation, he said, “If I had it do over again, I would have become a pediatrician. I would have done something important, helping those little kids with cancer.”

           

            That’s when I realized my dad had been trying to live his life vicariously through me; that he wanted to rewind the years and unravel his regrets. Re-stitch his tapestry—through me.

           

            And it’s left a void in me ever since. My dad died in 2009, but I still struggle mentally to extract myself from his goals, his focus. (I’ll tell you next week one of the things I’m going to be doing to make that happen.)

Time to let it go  

           

            Maybe you’ve had the same experience. Someone you love, or really needed affirmation from, has shot down your dreams, your hopes, your goals, or your focus because they didn’t understand it, didn’t see value in it. So they dismissed it. Because they were more focused on their goals, dreams and desires than on identifying and nurturing your unique gifts and talents.

           

            I understand your frustration and pain. But I also know that it’s time you let that go, put it in the “to burn” pile and make ashes of it. Ashes you can throw out and not let hinder you again.

           

            The longer and harder you hang onto it, the more you make it “the reason” you’ve never achieved your goals or dreams or even given them a shot. The longer you hang onto it, the more it can damage you emotionally, physically and spiritually. The more life it can suck out of you.

Putting life events in perspective, and using them to your advantage

           

            So, you want to put these kinds of handicaps in perspective. I learned a lot about raising kids and what not to say to my boys from this experience. I’m pretty confident they’re pursuing degrees in fields they’re passionate about. And I want them to know they have my full support.

           

            It’s also helped me uncover why I’m such a procrastinator that fears failure so much (there are other reasons I know have contributed); and it’s helped me to figure out how to combat those character flaws.

           

            I wish I’d been the type of kid gutsy enough to do some searching on my own, find out what I needed to do academically to apply and get admitted to vet school, and then give it my best shot. Like my husband, who defied family advice and pursued his dream of becoming an engineer. Instead, I floundered around, lost academic focus, and fell off a cliff—in all sorts of metaphorical ways. I got hurt a lot and did a lot of damage to myself—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

           

            But in the painful processes, I’ve also learned that Christ can—and does—make all things new. And, in His graciousness, He restores and reframes goals, and talents, and gifts. And if you focus on Him first, you can come to yourself and get a real, authentic fresh start. And, you’ll remind yourself, as our pastor Jim Roden says, “to stop rubbing your nose in your sin.”

           

            It’s freeing and chain-breaking. As Pastor Jim also says, “It gets you out of the ghetto cage so you can live free on a mountaintop.”

Start the healing process

           

            Since I’ve already gone on way too long in this post, I’ll save the rest of the perspective discussion for next week. For this week, though, start jotting down the really negative events in your life, the ones you can’t seem to dislodge from your brain or get over. Then ask yourself:

1. How did that event affect me?

2. How did that event eventually strengthen, or weaken me?

3. How have I let that event sidetrack or stifle my life?

4. Do I need to carry the effects of that event to the ash heap, or can I turn it into a gold nugget to place in my foundation or life focus?

Then we’ll gather back here next week to dig deeper into Perspective so we can break some chains and set some focus points!

Make it a great week!

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photos courtesy of Google Images